• Wednesday, 27 September 2017


    Its Saturday night. the boy sits alone in his room.
    "I hate weekends!" he shouts. But there is no one in the room to answer. He picks up a magazine and sees a picture of a group of young people at the beach. He hurls the magazine against the wall.
    Tears well up. He clamps his teeth on his underlip, but the tears keep pushing. Unable to fight it any longer, he falls on his bed sobbing "why am i always left out?"
      DO YOU sometimes feel like that-cut off form the world, lonely, useless, and empty? If so, do not despair. For while feeling lonely is no fun, it is not some fatal disease. Simply put, loneliness is a warning signal. Hunger warns you that you needs food. Loneliness warns you that you needs companionship,  closeness, intimacy. We need food to function well. Likewise, we need companionship to feel well.
      Have you ever watch a bed of glowing coals? When you take one coal away from the heap, the glow of that signal coal dies away. But after you put the coal back into the heap, it glow again! In isolation, we humans similarly do not "glow," or function well, for long.the need for companionship is built into our make up.
    Temporary loneliness
    Some times loneliness is imposed on us by circumstance beyond our control, like being away from close friends as a result of moving to a new location. Recalls Steven: "Back home James and i were friends, closer than brothers. When i moved away, i knew i was going to miss him." Steven paused,as if relieving the moment of departure. "When  i had to board the plane, i got chocked up. We hugged, and i left. I felt that something precious was gone."
    Friends can keep in touch even
    across long distance.

     How did Steve make out in his new environment?
    "It was rough," he says. "Back home my friends liked me, but here some of the folks i worked with made me feel as if am no good. I remember looking at the clock and counting back four hours [that was the time difference] and thinking and thinking what James and i could be doing right now. I felt lonely."
     When things are not going well, we often dwell on better times that we had in the past.
     For one thing, circumstance can change for better. That is why researchers often speak of "temporary loneliness." Steven could thus overcome his loneliness. How? "Talking about my feelings with someone who cares. You cannot live on in the past. I forced myself to meet other people, show interest in them. It worked ; I found new friends." And what about James? 'I was wrong. Moving away didn't end our friendship. The other day i phoned him. We talked and talked for one hour and 15 minutes.'
    Chronic Loneliness.
     Sometimes, though, the gnawing pain of loneliness persists, and there seems to be no way out. Many teenagers experience what is often called chronic loneliness. This is more serious than temporary loneliness. In fact, says researchers, the two are "as different as common cold and pneumonia."
    But just as pneumonia can be cured chronic loneliness can be beaten too. The first step is trying to understand its cause. 16-year-old Rhonda pin point the most common cause of chronic loneliness, saying: "I think the reason why i feel very lonely is because-well you cant have friends if you feel badly about yourself. And i guess i don't like myself very much."-Lonely in America.
     Rhonda's loneliness comes from within. Her low set-esteem forms a barrier that keeps her from opening up and making friends. Says one researcher: "Thoughts such as 'I'm unattractive,' 'I'm uninteresting,' 'I'm worthless,' are common themes among the chronically lonely." The cry to overcoming your loneliness may thus lie in building your self-respect.
    furthermore, as you learn to like yourself, others will be drawn to your appealing qualities. But just as you can only see the full colors of a flower after it unfolds, so other can fully appreciate your qualities only if you open up to them.
    Know It.
    If you still feel lonely from time to time, relax its normal. That is perfectly normal. What, though, if ext-rem shyness is holding you back from making friends and being with others? Try reading Dealing with Shy Habits still on this blog.