THE PROBLEM OF OVERPROTECTIVE PARENTS.

Its clear that parents don't want to be overprotective, their concern about their child prevent them from allowing him to do things that hes perfectly capable of doing.

One of the major task of parenting, of course, is to encourage enough confidence and capabilities in a child to equip him or her to leave home and function independently of Mom and Dad when he or she reaches adulthood. But over-protectiveness is often hard to do that.

Over-protectiveness is often hard to gauge, but it may be shown in a number of ways:

·        Parents offer oversight of even the smallest details in the teens life.

·        Parents screen or monitor the teens phone calls.

·        Parents seem to have difficulty trusting the young person.

·        Parents relate to the teen very similarly to the way they related to the child as an eight-years-old or ten-years-old.

·        Parents actions and decision seems designed to foster dependence, not independence.

·        Parents rules and decisions are applied rigidly and are equally nonnegotiable.

·        Parents consistently refuse permission for the teen to do things considered age-appropriate by other reasonable parents.

The above, of course, are highly subjective measurements of over-protectiveness. The most unreasonable parents, for example, will sometimes refuse permission for his son or daughter to do things that  other reasonable parents consider appropriate. Generally speaking, however, the above tendencies are typical of overprotective parents.

THE CAUSES OF

OVERPROTECTIVE PARENTS

There are a variety of reasons parents respond to their task in an overprotective manner. Such behavior may be founded upon one or more of the following causes.

1.   Fear: Fear is a common factor among overprotective parents. Today's world is a frightening place in which to raise children, and many parents worry about their children's vulnerability to the dangers they see on evening news. "Allowing exaggerated fear to prevent [youth] from engaging in the in normal activities of their peers can be harmful."

2.   Parents Past: If one or both parents had neglectful or ineffective parenting, they may respond by becoming overprotective. Parenting styles are typically a reflection of-or a reflection to-the way we were parented. Similarly, if one or both parents were rebellious in their childhood or adolescence, they may respond by determining that they will prevent their child from making similar choice.

3.   Lack of Relationship: Many parents try to lay down rules without first establishing a real relationship with their children. Mom and Dad may see their parental role as primarily that of a police man or judge; they focus on rules and may measure how well they are doing by how how many rules they have established and how well the children adhere to those rules. Such parents, not knowing how to form and nurture a real relationship, may rely on the good behavior of a child to bolster the parents own relational needs-a poor and unfulfilling substitute, of course.

4.   A Siblings Rebellious Behavior: Over-protectiveness may also stem from a sense of failure with another [typically older] child.

5.   Parental Loss or Emotional Needs:  Some mothers who feel unfulfilled in their relationship with spouse will divert their pain by focusing obsessively on a child. [This can also be true of fathers, though that is less common.] Some parents become overly protective in an effort to fill their own emotional needs; they are fearful that if they lose their child their own love needs will be unmet. They may also believe they are protecting the young person from a fathers [or mothers] lack of involvement.

EFFECTS OF

 OVERPROTECTIVE PARENTS

"Can over-protectiveness harm a child?" asks Dr. Berk. "certainly it can" she says, answering her own question. "Children learn not from our experiences but from their own. They need to have opportunities to take reasonable risks, to make mistakes and to live with the consequences of their own actions. The effects of over-protectiveness behavior in parents vary based on the personality of the child, the degree of connection with distance from the parents, and the severity of the overprotective behavior.

1.   Anger.

2.  Eating disorders.

3.  Emotional withdrawal.

4.  Low self-esteem.

5.  Panic disorder.

6.  Increase dependency.

7.  Rebellion.

8.  Depression.

HELP IT.

Their is no fear in love. Perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment.

The one who fear is not made perfect in love.

The overprotective parent is frequently motivated by fear, a fear that may reveal a lack of trust in the young person.

Similarly, parents [and other adults] must recognize that, as their children grow and mature, they must be granted more autonomy.

Doing so may mean sacrificing  measure of safety in exchange for healthy growth towards independence.