Your ability to regulate those emotions, in turn,affects how you’re perceived by the people around you. Emotions are the most present, pressing and sometimes painful force in our lives. We are driven day by day by our emotions. We take chances because we’re excited for new prospects. We cry because we’ve been hurt and we make sacrifices because we love. Without a doubt, our emotions dictate our thoughts, intentions and actions with superior authority to our rational minds. But when we act on our emotions too quickly, or we act on the wrong kinds of emotions, we often make decisions that we later lament.Our feelings can alter between dangerous extremes. Veer too far to the left and you’re bordering on rage. Steer too much to the right and you’re in a state of euphoria. As with many other aspects of life, emotions are best met with a sense of moderation and logical perspective. This is not to say that we should stop ourselves from falling in love or jumping for joy after great news. These truly are the finer things in life. It is negative emotions that must be handled with extreme care.Negative emotions, like rage, envy or bitterness, tend to spiral out of control, especially immediately after they’ve been triggered. In time, these sorts of emotions can grow like weeds, slowly conditioning the mind to function on detrimental feelings and dominating daily life. Ever met a person who’s consistently angry or hostile? They weren’t born that way. But they allowed certain emotions to stir within them for so long that they became inbred feelings arising all too frequently.So how can we avoid operating on the wrong types of feelings and master our emotions under the harshest of circumstances?
Follow my seven steps to control your emotions and regain rationality in any challenging situation:Don’t react right away.Reacting immediately to emotional triggers can be an immense mistake Ask for divine guidance.Faith is our saving grace in our darkest moments. No matter your creed, developing a healthy relationship with the divine world will help you surmount your obstacles more easily.
It is guaranteed that you’ll say or do something you’ll later regret. Before refuting the trigger with your emotional argument, take a deep breath and stabilize the overwhelming impulse. Continue to breathe deeply for five minutes,feeling as your muscles intense and your heart rate returns to normal. As you become calmer, affirm to yourself that this is only temporary.
1.Select the situation.Avoid circumstances that trigger unwanted emotions. If you know that you're most likely to get angry when you’re in a hurry(and you become angry when others force you to wait), then don’t leave things for the last minute. Get out of the house or office 10 minutes before you need to, and you won’t be bothered so much by pedestrians, cars, or slow elevators. Similarly, if there’s an acquaintance you find completely annoying, then figure out a way to keep from bumping into that person.
2.Modify the situation.Perhaps the emotion you’re trying to reduce is disappointment. You’re always hoping, for example, to serve the “perfect” meal for friends and family, but invariably something goes wrong because you’ve aimed too high. Modify the situation by finding recipes that are within your range of ability so that you can pull off the meal. You may not be able to construct the ideal souffle, but you manage a pretty good fritter.
3.Shift your attentional focus. Let’s say that you constantly feel inferior to the people around you who always look great. You’re at the gym, and can’t help but notice the regulars on the weight machines who manage to lift three times as much as you can. Drawn to them like a magnet, you can’t help but watch with wonder and envy-at what they’re able to accomplish. Shifting your focus away from them and onto your fellow gym rats who pack less punch will help you feel more confident about your own abilities. Even better, focus on what you’re doing, and in the process, you’ll eventually gain some of the strength you desire.
4.Change your thoughts. At the core of our deepest emotions are the beliefs that drive them. You feel sad when you believe to have lost something,anger when you decide that an important goals thwarted, and happy anticipation when you believe something good is coming your way. By changing your thoughts you may not be able to change the situation but you can at least change the way you believe the situation is affecting you. In-cognitive reappraisal, you replace the thoughts that lead to unhappiness with thoughts that lead instead to joy or at least contentment. People with social anxiety disorder may believe that they will make fools of themselves in front of others for their social gaffes. They can be helped to relax by interventions that help them recognize that people don’t judge them as harshly as they believe.
5.Change your response. If all else fails, and you can’t avoid, modify, shift your focus, or change your thoughts, and that emotion comes pouring out, the final step in emotion regulation is to get control of your response. Your heart may be beating out a steady drum roll of unpleasant sensations when you’re made to be anxious or angry. Take deep breaths and perhaps close your eyes in order to calm yourself down. Similarly, if you can’t stop laughing when everyone else seems serious or sad, gather your inner resources and force yourself at least to change your facial expression if not your mood.
6. Perform whatever activity is best-suited to you in order to liberate your being from pent-up sentiments.See the bigger picture.Every happening of our lives, whether good or bad, serves a higher purpose. Wisdom means being able to see past the moment and discern the greater meaning of any given situation. You may not understand it in the beginning, but as time goes by, you’ll begin to see the bigger picture falling into perfect order. Even in the midst of an emotionally upsetting moment, trust that there exists an ultimate purpose which you will come to comprehend soon.Replace your thoughts.Negative emotions bind us to recurring negative thoughts, creating cycles of downright negative patterns.
7. Find a healthy outlet. Now that you’ve managed your emotion, you’ll need to release it in a healthy way. Emotions should never be bottled up. Call or go see someone you trust and recount to them what happened. Hearing an opinion other than your own broadens your awareness. Keep a journal and transfer your emotions from your inner self onto the paper. Many people find it helpful to engage in aggressive exercises, such as kickboxing or martial arts, to discharge their feelings. Others meditate and chant to return to a tranquil state of being.
Whenever you are confronted with an emotion which is making you feel or think something bad, force it out of your mind and replace it with a different thought.Imagine the ideal resolution to your problem playing out, think about someone who makes you happy or remember an event that makes you smile. Forgive your emotional triggers.Your emotional triggers may be your best friend, your family members, yourself or all of the above. You may feel a sudden wave of anger when your friend “does that thing she does,” or a stab of self-loathing when you remember something you could have done differently. But when you forgive, you detach. You detach from the resentment, the jealousy or the fury lingering within you. You allow people to be who they are without the need for escalating emotions. As you forgive, you will find yourself disassociating from the harsh feelings attached to your being.A constant reminder of our ardent nature, emotions surge through us at every second of the day. But we often take wrong actions when wrong feelings filter through our mind without restraint.
This 7-step approach is one that you can readily adapt to the most characteristic situations that cause you trouble. Knowing your emotional triggers can help you avoid the problems in the first place. Being able to alter your thoughts and reactions will build your confidence in your own ability to cope. With practice, you’ll be able to turn negatives into positives, and, each time, gain emotional fulfillment.
